Our culture has shifted in values over the past decade or so with the rise of social media. I’m in no way saying social media is bad. In fact, I think it can be a positive thing when it’s used correctly and not abused.
I’m a millennial which means I grew up without technology and then saw the rise of it. I remember not even having a computer in the home. And I remember a time before cell phones. It’s actually a really cool place to be because I’ve witnessed the rise of technology and the impact it’s had on relationships, both good and bad.
Today, I’m focusing on one specific aspect which is privacy versus transparency. Privacy was a HUGE value I grew up with. It’s still one I hold onto today. I believe privacy is completely underrated now.
Our values have shifted from privacy to transparency. This creates a culture of oversharing.
I witness people willingly giving away their privacy online. When buying a new home, people post photos with the address or exterior of the house which can be easily tracked. Parents share photos of their children and information about their children’s schools and locations. People post exactly where they work and their position in the company. They post touchy family information. Private health information about themselves or others. Breakups and makeups. And so on.
Now, here is how oversharing impacts relationships today. I notice that in day-to-day interactions, people feel entitled to other people’s business.
I could be totally wrong here. Maybe social media has nothing to do with it. Perhaps it has everything to do with the stage of life I’m in. However, I do believe it’s fair to say that technology has at least some influence on this. Furthermore, this is not specific to any generation since every generation is now online.
For a personal example, just at my wedding alone, four different people came up to me and asked when I’m having kids. Thank God for liquor because otherwise, I would’ve snapped! You can only imagine how often I get asked about babies since being married. Luckily, I’ve learned the value of boundaries so I don’t resort to hooch 😉
I hear similarly nosy questions asked frequently today, not only to myself but to others as well. This includes questions about people’s finances, health, worldviews, relationships, etc. I see how uncomfortable it makes people on the receiving end, and how upsetting it is to have someone pry.
It’s so important to have personal boundaries and shut down any conversation you don’t want to be having.
In my example, there are plenty of people out there who have an issue with women choosing not to have children. Or when women want children, people get equally as nosy. Not to mention, many women experience hardship around conceiving, so that question is incredibly disrespectful to them. For me, having to explain my stance over and over to everyone who asks me would be emotionally exhausting. So instead, I shut the conversation down before it goes any further.
Being vulnerable with someone you trust is essential to healthy relationships. That does not mean you need to be vulnerable with everyone.
Sometimes sharing your story is empowering if it’s what you want to do. And that’s great! I’ve shared my story as a dancer because I truly feel in alignment with that and want to help others going through something similar. However, at other times sharing personal information will subject you to physical danger if you give up your location. This can also mean emotional danger if you overshare deeply personal things. It opens you up to criticism or unwanted opinions that you don’t need. Being able to make that distinction is key.
One more thing to note as I close: at the same time as people value transparency and sharing, I also notice people are learning more and more about boundaries. This is no coincidence. I think on some level, people are frustrated with those who feel entitled to their business. So they are learning the value of boundaries. It’s a pushback.
You do not owe the world transparency.
It’s healthy to pick and choose what to share with people, and it’s up to YOU to decide what you want to disclose. Not society, not your family, not your friends, not your coworkers. YOU. So pick up your crown, pull your shoulders back, and change the topic.