Putting self care first is a beautiful way to become more calm and vibrant. By engaging in self care activities that bring you joy, you will be able to serve others from a place of sovereignty. Self care is an idea and phrase that is thrown around a lot, and therefore has many preconceived notions about it. Most people imagine a bubble bath with a glass of wine, lounging about in a lazy afternoon, or laying on the couch eating bon bons all day. This can have negative connotations, as it can seem self absorbed. However, self care looks different for everyone and is a way to sprinkle joy into your day to day life.
You may be wondering what self care is about. Self care can be defined as anything you do for the pure joy of it. It may have nothing to do with your productivity for the day, or the outcome you want to accomplish. You will know it’s self care when the action of it, (or non action in many cases) fills you up and makes you feel peaceful. If the process makes you feel depleted in any way, it’s not truly self care. This will enrich your life and take you right out of what I call “superwoman syndrome.”
What is superwoman syndrome? Everyone at some point has experienced a time of feeling run down, or even feeling burned out. This usually occurs at a time when you take on too much or try to be the superwoman that can do it all. It might come from a place of people pleasing or trying to prove yourself. Or it might come from a place of necessity where you are in survival mode. The outcome of this will often be the opposite of what you want to accomplish, as it can leave you feeling irritable and depleted.
When experiencing this type of depletion, one thing that is almost always the case is putting everything and everyone else’s needs ahead of your own. You may not be able to think of the last time you did something for yourself. Maybe you are so busy taking care of your children’s needs. Or maybe you have a demanding school schedule with pressure to earn straight A’s. However, by doing little things just for the pure joy of it, you are able to show up in life as the vibrant person you truly are.
When you decide to spend more time on self care, you may notice some emotions coming up, such as guilt or shame. For example, you might want to work on a painting you have been wanting to finish, but somebody asked you for a favor you couldn’t say no to without feeling selfish. By doing this favor even though you are already feeling depleted, you are denying yourself the joy painting gives you. It is important to honor your own intuition, desires, and needs.
I want to encourage you to question any feelings that come up when you decide to begin a self care practice. If you feel guilty, ask yourself why. Could it be you feel the need to serve others at your own expense? Do you feel unworthy of the time it takes to engage in what you really want to be doing? Have others criticized you in the past for relaxing or for saying no to their requests?
When you find this answer, you find freedom. You realize how absurd it is to become a martyr for other people’s needs. You realize how unrealistic it is that you can spend so much time pleasing your boss at work, but somehow deeming yourself unworthy of time to yourself. When you unlock these answers, you will find freedom.
When you find this freedom is when you can begin to develop a self care practice. A container or structure around this is key, and this will allow you to stick with it. Commit to doing three self care activities for yourself per day- things that you do just for the fun of it. This could be a mid afternoon break to enjoy a cup of tea. It could be committing to a new, fun type of workout. Or, it could be stepping outside in the sun and feeling the warmth on your skin. You get to decide what it is that you love, but you must add the structure in to make self care a daily habit.
What you will find when you commit to implementing three self care activities per day, is the negative emotions dissipate over time. Doing what brings you joy becomes a habit, like building muscles. Then, something even more powerful happens: areas in your life that were previously lacking begin to improve. Relationships get better because you become a magnet, attracting people with your own joy. Your work will improve, because you continually fill yourself up with what you want to be doing. Life becomes easier, and more peaceful, because you take pleasure in the little things throughout the day.
Self care is the antidote to burnout and stress. Showing up as your best self in turn helps others. Showing up drained, burned out, and resentful because you neglected yourself is unfair to you, and those around you. This is why self care is selfless. Recognizing your own human limits and giving yourself what you need will allow you to show up as someone you’re proud of. Someone who is ready and able to help others, because you are so filled up yourself. Self care shows emotional maturity, and a realistic view of your life and your limits. Self care shows self respect, to not only those around you, but to yourself as well. It is cyclical in nature.